1) The reason my bed broke in my old room was because 4 people had a orgy on it.
My sister told me this today. Dad was visiting his girlfriend, she threw a party in the house, one of her friends + 3 others decided that my bed was the best place for an orgy. 2 girls + 2 boys, if anyone’s interested. Apparently it ended with someone throwing up, although luckily not in my bed. I don’t know if that is before or after the bed broke. I’m thankful that the bed was replaced before I came home for the holidays.
2) My new bonus-family is much sexier than our family.
How to deal? This Thursday, my dad had organized a dinner with his girlfriend, her two sons and her mother, and me and my younger sister. This was the first time I met my “bonus-brothers” or whatever you call them these days. I had hoped that they would be ugly social misfits so I wouldn’t feel as awkward… sadly they turned out to be in my age, and charming and handsome. Very handsome. There’s a risk both families will go on vacation together this summer, so my sister and I discussed tactics in case this turned out to be true. Plan A) Work-out and get a make-over so we can be seen next to the more beautiful family without embarrassing them. B) Put plastic bags over our heads. C) Destroy bonus-brothers’ beauty by making them fat and mutilating their faces and by that making them the ugly ones instead.
3) I’m stupid but I’m not a failure (the more boring but funny-to-me-story)
Couldn’t come up with a cool title for this one. Before Christmas, I had a final. I thought it went alright, but then the test results came back. Our exams are anonymous, so the results are posted along with codes instead of names. During the exam, we get two codes: One is for us, and one is for the people supervising the tests. I thought I had my code, so I opened the excel sheet with the results and scanned for it. There was two columns: One column with four-number-codes, and one which said F or P (Failed/passed). And alike any excel document, the columns were numbered (1-35). My number, I thought, was 14. I went to row 14, and lo-and-behold; the only F in the document happened to be at that space. I was shocked. Sure, I’m not the best in my class, but I’m not the worst either, and I had really studied for this exam… at least that’s what I thought until now. I didn’t understand how it could have happened, but I had no doubt in my mind that 14 was my number, so the results had to be correct. I didn’t even question it. It came as a pretty big blow to me, and my self-worth and drive was pretty low the entire day. Embarrassingly enough, it didn’t matter that much that I failed, but it mattered that I was the only one who failed in the entire class. There might a have been a tear or two before I went to sleep… jump to a while later. I just got back from Berlin and decided that this is the time to face my failure. For some reason, I opened the document with the results again… and something in my brain said “bing!” and an idea creeped into my mind. I opened an empty excel document. Obviously, every document has numbered rows, so row 14 will always exist. I realized that I couldn’t go by the row number to find out my result, I had to actually have the 4-number-code… which I couldn’t remember. I was kind of afraid to hope, but the next day the results had been registered in the database, which meant I could find out for sure. I had passed, and by good margin as well… and looking back, I really had no reason to jump so fast to the conclusion that I had failed. Seriously. I guess I’m too quick to believe that I suck or something? Even though I passed, I don’t feel that intelligent, because I think a smart person wouldn’t made the conclusion that they’d failed in the first place.
I like when insane people actually look insane. If we could tell who was a nut-case from their hair, it would make the world a little easier. I think this quote summons up the story quite nicely:
Nice and high and far apart 