Posts Tagged ‘accidents’

Child Safety ads from the 50ies! I would have made them more gory, if we coddle our kids they’ll just grow up into weak, frightened wussies instead of strong, emotionally damaged sociopaths! You need to look out for those damn piles of leaves!

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Here’s a safety video from1962 as a bonus if you have the time to watch it. A bunch of kids in weird monkey masks decides to ride their bikes to the park, but do they make it?

Does anyone else have a habit of taking photos of the wounds and bruises you get after getting hurt?
… I don’t know why I do this because I’m pretty sure no one wants to see them. Here’s from this morning:

Fucking toes, how do they work?!! It’s like the one thing you can’t fix by kicking on it. Duct tape might do the trick though.
The black nail I got from dropping a coffee cup on my toe barely had time to disappear before I accidentally slammed it against the threshold causing this. I think my subconscious is trying to get rid off them. I might have a secret apotemnophilia.
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^My blood looked so brightly red! It’s usually darker.

My day got a lot better as time went on though. A coffee company had sent some students out to promote their new product by handing out free samples of instant coffee. Lucky for me, the students were lazy and didn’t want to stand all day handing out one sample to each, so they gave me like ~30 of them. Woohoo!

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Here’s three photos from three hours ago. Look at the cute, innocent, smiling censored faces and read as the looming sense of doom gets higher. Let me tell you a story of young foolishness and the quick descent into madness.

It all begun… three hours ago. The four flatmates was just finishing a delicious, home-made sushi dinner. Many laughs were had as the wasabi tickled the noses of each of it’s consumer. One of the flatmates, lets call him Nic, made a comment about the wasabi being weak. The only woman in the apartment, lets call her Jo, daringly suggested that he should try her super-strong chili sauce (otherwise known as Dave’s insanity sauce) if he wanted something stronger. Little did she know (or maybe she did) how this innocent suggestion would be the spark of an attempted manslaughter.

After some duty bound warnings laced with not so discreet baiting, Nic dipped the very tip of one of his eating stick into the bottle…

With a completely transparant attempt at remaining stoic, Nic admitted that the sauce was indeed very hot and asked whether he was allowed to oppress it’s effect by eating something. He was met with a resounding “NO!” and menacing laughter. He eventually gave up, a good few minutes after consuming the sauce. This prompted the third flatmate, who we can call Errrrk, to beat Nic’s record.

 

 

 

Errrrk dipped his eating stick a slight bit further into the bottle. A grain of intelligence infested the otherwise very dumb atmosphere, and he tasted the sauce on the back of his tongue were the taste receptors wasn’t as sensitive. Errrrk thus managed to remain relatively unaffected by the whole ordeal, much to the disappointment of his flatmates who were watching closely for any sign of extreme pain and suffering.

For some reason, what had begun as a cheeky challenge to one of the guys had now escalated to a full-blown contest in macho stupidity. “Oz”, the forth flatmate, suddenly decided to beat Errrk in chili sauce endurance. This was to the surprise of Jo, who knew that Oz had tried the sauce before with a somewhat unpleasant reaction and knew that it was indeed a very hot sauce. But, Oz, being the youngest of them all, went for it anyway.

…. he dipped the stick really far down the bottle…

… and he put the stick laterally in his mouth and licked off the sauce…

… 5 seconds go by. Oz starts making weird faces.

… Oz grunts and starts breathing oddly…

… Oz has suddenly started drooling like a mad dog and seems to have trouble forming words…

… through fractured sentences the rest of the flatmates managed to work out that Oz wanted yoghurt. QUICK. Yoghurt is one of the few things that neutralizes chili burns.

… Oz’s lips were suddenly very swollen and he starts to breath like he’s been running a marathon. He downs one litre of yoghurt in roughly 30 seconds.

… Errrrk tries to videotape it on his cellphone.

… Errrrk and Nic realizes that wow, this was an incredibly stupid idea.

…. Jo feels somewhat guilty over being the catalyst for these events…

… Oz keeps pacing around the apartment, drooling, grunting, breathing like a mad person…

… a mutual agreement is made that Oz won the challenge. The price is free access to Errrk’s yoghurt, which he continues to drink in an impressive speed.

After 15 minutes, Oz said the effects of the sauce was getting weaker. He described the process like this: The first seconds after he ate the sauce, his body snapped into panic mode. His pulse started racing and his breathing became more rapid. His mouth and throat began producing so much saliva that he could hardly speak or breath properly. It was kind of like having a bad fever while your mouth was on fire. Even when the effects had weakened he was suddenly attacked by acid refluxes from his stomach, trying to yield itself from the sauce.

Oz has now sort-of recovered and we think he’ll survive the night. Out of sympathy we promised to not post the photos and videos everywhere, which is why every photo here is censored.

So kids, just so you know: … the little text that says “Don’t use undiluted” on super hot sauces… is a pretty good advice if you don’t want to burn off your tounge. However, if you’re the only girl in a gang of guys and are feeling particularly evil, just ignore the warning and ask someone to take a shot glass filled with it.

Cheerios!

 

I don’t think much needs to be said about this. It’s just cool and it needs to be watched.

Partied yesterday. My arm is covered with black marker scribblings and my legs are covered with bruises. It’s so slippery outside, and I’m infamously bad at biking when I’m drunk, so I fell when we biked from the preparty to the real party. I had so much fun that I didn’t pay much attention to the pain. When I fell I landed on my knees, and then I kept dancing the entire night, so particularly my  right knee is stiff today. I suspect it’ll look worse in a few days because the entire knee is sensitive and swollen.

I finished my preserved orange peels and dipped them in chocolate a couple of days ago. They taste a lot like, well, chocolate with orange, but the consistency is more chewier and savoury.

And I finally saw the King’s Speech today. I liked it. It was the premier day, and the entire salon was pretty much filled with fellow SLP students. Otherwise I’m not going to do anything this Friday night, I’m just too tired. I had to get up early today to go to school, which is not fun when you get to bed after 3am. I might take my camera and see Valla Saucer Rennen tomorrow, which is a saucer sledding competitions where a lot of students fall and hurt themselves.

Have a nice weekend, everyone!

Me and my flatmates went inlines skating today at the skate ramp hall. As we entered the hall, Erik told us to try and not think about the fact that we were the oldest and worst people in the hall. I haven’t used inlines in years, and I’ve never done it on ramps, so I pretty much knew what to expect. Erik tried to show off and attempted to skate down one of the highest and steepest ramps in the hall and ended up almost breaking his neck as he somehow fell somersault-style and landed on his head, which was fortunately protected by a helmet. I fell a few times as well, once somehow causing my uterus paaain and I’m not sure if I bear children now.  We were there for roughly 2 hours, and I suspect my body is going to be stiff as hell tomorrow. Not because of the falls, but because every time I felt like I was loosing balance, I threw, twisted and bended my body in unnatural ways to try to avoid hitting the ground. Most of the time, falling didn’t even hurt so in retrospect it was a stupid thing to do. Lots of the skaters were really good though and it makes me wish I had been in to that when I was younger so I’d be a pro at it now. Anyhow, it was pretty fun and totally exhausting. It’s great work-out. Since I went to the skate hall by bike I got a bonus hour of biking exercise, so I’m pretty sure I’m going to sleep well tonight. 🙂

Re-post dump! 😀

First off, and you might have seen this already, is the horrible sex advice from the magazine Cosmopolitan. With a history of advicing using grapes or ice-cubes during hand-jobs etc, you can’t expect much, but this time they out-did themselves. Check it out:

Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it! Once you climax, switch to 69 position for sweet afters. – Cosmopolitan Ultimate Sex Guide

Whoosh? … Have these people ever even seen a vagina? Whoever actually goes through with this advice deserves the yeast infection and lovely rash they’re undoubtely going to get. But hey, maybe yeast and mashed banana tastes great. I’m not a guy, but I have this lovely mental image of a man joining his girlfriend in bed, and his horrified expression as he discovers the yellow, gooey banana everywhere.

Here is something a bit nicer. It’s photographies from abandoned places in Detroit. I love abandoned buildings.

And here’s something to make you go *facepalm* again.

And then finally, another WTF Awesome commercial.