Posts Tagged ‘tv’

I know what you’re thinking: “How can you just pick 3? TV-shop products are per definition stupid, otherwise they would have been sold via more respectable marketing such as radio or magazine ads or through attempted priming by subtle messages in a CD of children’s nursery rhymes”. Be that as it may, I have picked out 3 that makes the electric work-out products seem almost reasonable.

“Tiddy Bear”. Get your own fluffy tit protector today. Actually, get three so both of your children get their own titty bears.

“The Hawaii Chair”. HOW DOES THE WOMEN IN THIS VIDEO MANAGE TO TYPE STEADILY WHILE SITTING ON THIS SHIT? And am I the only one who suspect that this would cause odd spinal problems after using it for an entire workday?

“The TV-hat”. I’m not sure- I hope not- that this is a real product. I’m not sure I have much to add to what has already been said about this. On the other hand it is a good product in the sense that it will make the idiots easier to spot.

 

The last post was kind of depressing, so I decided to post this more cheerful clip instead.For some reason I’m convinced the girl in this clip was just trolling to embarrass her family, which makes it even better. She looks like she’s having so much fun though so I can’t hate.

Someone suggested she should have a dance off with mr Sean Stephenson. I most agree.

Re-post dump! ­čśÇ

First off, and you might have seen this already, is the horrible sex advice from the magazine Cosmopolitan. With a history of advicing using grapes or ice-cubes during hand-jobs etc, you can’t expect much, but this time they out-did themselves. Check it out:

Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it! Once you climax, switch to 69 position for sweet afters. – Cosmopolitan Ultimate Sex Guide

Whoosh? … Have these people ever even seen a vagina? Whoever actually goes through with this advice deserves the yeast infection and lovely rash they’re undoubtely going to get. But hey, maybe yeast and mashed banana tastes great. I’m not a guy, but I have this lovely mental image of a man joining his girlfriend in bed, and his horrified expression as he discovers the yellow, gooey banana everywhere.

Here is something a bit nicer. It’s photographies from abandoned places in Detroit. I love abandoned buildings.

And here’s something to make you go *facepalm* again.

And then finally, another WTF Awesome commercial.

I want to watch this. It’s supposed to have been out for a while but I don’t know where to find one with subs. Just seeing this makes me think it’s awesome though. ­čśÇ

So kids, do you know the difference between a squid and an octopus? ­čśÇ

Filmmaker Rob Spence lost an eye and had it replaced with a wireless eye camera.

There’s recently been a Lord of The Ring marathon on TV which inspired me to post these, which are a bit old but awesome nontheless. Engrish subtitles┬á from bootled The Two Towers DVDs.

“Bring your pretty face to my axe” was the real line. Yeahh..

And hardcore dude performs a homemade liposuction on himself. It’s a bit old (June) but I haven’t seen it online before so I don’t think it’s widely seen.

Here’s an idea for something different: A party where only people with really bad eyesight is allowed. Glasses must be handed over before entering the party. It’ll be sort of like those dining in the dark-restaurants, except you’re dancing, drinking and socializing. This will be sort of like a dating event for nerds, a chance to find a partner who doesn’t immediately rule you out due to your looks before you have a chance to charm them with your personality. The ugliest guests will be matched with those with the poorest eyesight. People who are scared of embarrassment will be more open to dancing, thanks to the anonymity.

The event will be recorded for a reality show where people can laugh while nearly-blind-Andrew mistakes Beou-the-long-haired-LAN-nerd for a cute girl, and the scandal that arouses when the big pile of people on the floor who has tripped on each other turns into an orgy.
Sadly, groups like RNIB might have an objection to this concept.

… yeah on the dance floor (that was hummed in the tune of “Too sexy” in my head).
Karma, sweet karma.

I wrote some week ago about how I find my old friends from high school increasingly embarrassing when we go out. I also wrote a few entries back that I’d make a post with the theme “dancing habits”. How does these two things correlate? Bear with me a while…

Well. Just after I turned 18 and started going out to clubs, I mostly went out with my “gang” from school. Because of our young age and tight economy, we couldn’t get in to the really pretentious places. Then, as we graduated and got a tid bit older and more accustomed to the Stockholmian nightlife, my friends started to want to go to the fancier places with more expensive drinks, snarkier crowd photographers, creepier guys with more grease in their hair, and more famous DJ:s that still played music I disliked just as much as in the previous places.

I’ve never been much of a dancer. I occasionally enjoy jumping around and being silly I’m in good company. I’ve never claimed to be good at it (actually have been told several time that I’m not), and to be honest I’ve never really┬áseen any beauty in club dancing anyhow. I just enjoy jumping around and having fun, and that’s about it. For some of my friends though, dancing could lead to free drinks and a place in the VIP room.

Here’s the thing: I’m kind of a nerd, and in a nerdy fashion I’m relatively awkward when it comes to body contact. I don’t really mind it, I just don’t often initate it casually unless I feel that I have to, or if I’m really drunk. With some people, whom I known well and like, I can casually pat them, poke them and hit them randomly and this is pretty much my most genuine form of physical affection.

Back to the dance floor:
You know how, when most people go out, they dance by shuffling their feet in different directions, moving their shoulders up and down, shifting the weight of their hips? … yeah, these friends I’m talking about don’t do that anymore. At some point, one of them decided that the hip, new cool thing was to dance like the girls in the most sexistic R&B music videos. Every time I’d go out with them, every 5th minute at least, this girl would either sneak up behind me and do an interpretive dance depicting bum sex, or simulate going down on me by either grinding her┬á bum against my pelvis area or slithering down my body until her head was roughly at the same spot as my female parts.

When she first started doing this, my reaction was pretty much like this: “HEY YOU HETEROSEXUAL SCHOOLMATE WHOM┬á I RARELY EVEN HUG. I’M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT BUT I DON’T REALLY HAVE A PENIS DOWN THERE, YOU KNOW, SO YOUR ATTEMPT TO SEX ME UP RIGHT HERE ON THE FLOOR IS GOING TO BE FRUITLESS. ALSO, I’M FEELING A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS.”
Apparentlyshe found this to be hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that she made a point of doing it more often just to annoy me. I decided that since shoo-ing her off didn’t work, and there aren’t a lot of places to hide on a dance floor, I’d just freeze up every time she came near. Every time she wanted to play “J’s got an invisible penis”, I’d lower my eyebrows, pout, and simply not move. This tactic was reasonably successful.

Fast-forward a year. My friend with an affinity for┬ásensual interpretive dancing has moved on to even fancier clubs, and there’s no scarcity of people with real penises and an appreciation for her, uhm, art, that┬á wants to dance with her.┬á I don’t mind her dance as long as she doesn’t do it on me and jokes aside, I get that we’re just from very different social circles and cultures, and in some scenes with some people, there’s people who actually appreciate the beauty of it and not just for sensual reasons. I can’t lie and say that I think it looks good, or that I wouldn’t feel extremely dirty if was forced to do it myself; but bear in mind that this is also true for a) being on reality TV, b) singing any of the winner songs from Eurovision on kareoke, c) wearing crocs.

Now, I’ve never been forced by someone to wear crocs, and never has a person taken a croc shoe and rubbed it against my body sexily┬áto the┬ábeat of “Sexy Bitch”. If someone┬ádid┬ádo that though, I┬ácan imagine being a bit uncomfortable and annoyed, much like┬áI felt during my days as a human dancing pole. Now, the payoff to this rather long story might not be the best case of poetic justice out there, but it’s good enough for me. Here it goes.

Said friend has during the last 1 ┬Ż years done some modeling and gets hired from time to time for different events. One night, she and some other girls were hired to do something at a club where some band was playing. I hadn’t heard of the band before, but it consisted of some pretty unclean-looking rockers in their late forties, maybe early fifties. The only reason I know this was because at the same night, a segment about this band was being filmed for some comedy show that runs late evenings. My friend and the other girls who were hired for the event were asked by the film team if they, during the last song in the segment, could run up on stage and just dance a bit along the band. They agreed, but since they didn’t get any time to think about it, everything was improvised. From what I’ve understood, the film team told them that if they used the footage, it would only be a short piece at the end of the show… granted, it was short, but it still made me feel that a small piece of karma had just been handed out. Why? Well, just as the show wrapped up, they showed the girls running up on stage, with the voice-over “Well, it’s clear that someone’s choreographer took the day off”, and then a slow zoom-in on my friend, the only girl on stage doing the really dirty dancing, right next the long-haired, greasy, biker-looking, sweaty, overweight and quite frankly disgusting guitarist. They kept the scene going while the credits rolled.

It aired a couple of weeks ago, and the girl in question wasn’t too pleased about it. I honestly didn’t think her dancing in the segment looked any different from the things she subjected me to, but I guess it looks less glamourous when you see yourself doing it next to some greasy, old dude, on TV.;)

* said friend will definitely figure out that I’m talking about her if she reads this. Oh well, it’s true and she knows it =.=’ ­čÖé