Here’s some new Swenglish gems from my voice teacher. I try hard not to laugh because she’s quite old and sweet, but some of the stuff she says is just too much.
“To breath rightly you must have a good angel” (Obviously she meant “angle”, i.e sitting in a upright position)
“Before you start, we need you to sign the present list” (We didn’t get any presents… apparently it was an attendance sheet).
“I made this list for you to use as a lazy dog” (direct translation from the Swedish “Lathund” which means “Cheat sheet” or “Quick reference sheet”).
“…and the horses become confused because the voice is coming from down the hall” (Not even I can translate this one for you. The context is voice amplifiers, which makes the speaker’s voice sound like it’s coming from somewhere else than the speaker, but I can’t figure out the part about horses. I know she didn’t mean horses; I don’t think she was talking about being hoarse either because it doesn’t fit with the rest of the sentence. She might have mispronounced “courses” and meant that “(the students) become confused becaues (the teacher’s) voice is coming from down the hall). It’s a bit of a leap to think that she thinks “courses” means “students” though but it’s the best explanation I’ve got.c
She’s a bit odd, sweet but odd. We have an element called “Own Voice” which focuses on mastering the techniques we will later teach our patients. During these sessions we work with breathing right and using the muscles in our stomachs as support when singing and talking. My voice teacher thinks I’m way too tense, which ruins my breathing techniques and clenches my stomach muscles. This is probably true, because “Own Voice”-sessions take place in groups and I’m quite bad at copying the right noises, so I get a bit anxious because of that. Because of this tension, my teacher often put her hand on my stomach to feel if my stomach muscles are tense. If they are, she tells me to relax, and stands way too close for my comfort and stroke my arms and back. In front of people. I’m not a fan of casual body contact even among some of my friends, so it doesn’t really help that much. I have to put a lot of energy into relaxing, just so she will go away and people will stop looking at me. I’ve talked about these to my classmates who now have to keep themselves from laughing any time they see her groping me. No sympathy 😦 Jk.