My social circle is complicated.

I was out with some friends (I use the term loosely) from high school last Friday. Until then I hadn’t realized just how embarrassing they are, but I spent the last hour of that evening pretty much cringing. I’m not sure whether it’s because I’ve grown up and they haven’t, or whether we’re just completely different as people and have completely different opinions on what kind of behaviour is OK and what is not.

There’s a quote from Ghandi which goes “Love the sinner, hate the sin”. I’ve always hung around “flawed” people in the sense that they were all clearly jaded from past hurt. Most of them insecure. I’d say most of them has compensated for their flaws and walked out strengthened, even though none of us are perfect. In fact, I hope that from our experiences we know that there’s no such thing as perfection and that being perfect in the eyes of modern society is probably one of the most soul-destroying states one could be in. Interpret that as you wish, because I’m not sure if it makes sense.

Anyhow, love the sinner – hate the sin. What I’m trying to say is that it arouses some complicated feelings inside of me when I realize that some of my friends are pretty much the incarnation of the causes I’m fighting against. Prejudice, vanity, sexism, egocentrism and general ignorance to any issues in the world that doesn’t directly concern their person,- these are  few. The worst part is that they’re not just doing these things unconsciously as a result of a social structure, I actually believe that they’re actively making this world a worse place even though they know better. Being hurt in the past isn’t a good enough excuse for that.

I’m not sure why I didn’t fully come to this conclusion until I was on the train home Friday night. I guess I’ve always felt it but it wasn’t until then I could formulate it. If you’re reading this, you might wonder why I’m friends with people who seri0usly pisses me off. First of all, these are not exactly close friends, secondly… it’s a form of ethnocentrism I guess. They treat me good enough. When we’re not at a nightclub, and just having a coffee or watching movies, they’re very different. They don’t try nearly as hard to be at the top of the hierarchy either. As soon as we go out though, it’s every woman for herself. Kick the one beneath you and kiss the ass of the one above. It’s a fucking war. I hate nightclubs, especially the fancy ones. I go there and it seems like 50% of the people in the club are there because they want to assure themselves that they’re worth something, because of their beauty or the the cost of their clothes. If they don’t get enough gratification  from compliments and looks, they pick on the weaker just so they can feel superior. It makes me sick.

It’s funny to try to imagine how different the world would be if people weren’t so insecure all the time.

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